To Be or Not To Be: That is the Question

The rollercoaster of grief is sometimes unnoticable until suddenly you're zooming into an emotional mess that you realize hadn't been there before. It catches you off guard. Someone will say something--seemingly meaningless, but it will change the entire emotional outcome. It's hard to cope with sometimes. It takes practice and you really do have to put your mind to recognizing it before it engulfs you. I can see why they institutionalized folks for "nervous breakdowns" back in the day. And what exactly is a nervous breakdown? I think my life is one long chronic nervous breakdown...

Apparently my sister's coming out from Florida this week. I heard about it through the grapevine. My mother wouldn't tell me important news if she was on fire. It's uncertain if I'll even see my sister seeing as she despises me to the ends of the earth. My other sister is supposed to pick her brain for what it was that I did or said to make her loathe me so. What a mess. I put my head in a box of valentine cards & trinket bells to avoid coping with the hurt of it all. Sending valentines to my friends was a nice distraction from all that befalls me. Truly, I could drown on all my tears...

Came across another termination story today. The plans for termination are in the making even before the tests results are in. What's worse is that the baby could very well end up really delightful--trisomy 21; Down syndrome. I'd love a wonderful little Down's kid--I seem to see them everywhere sometimes. They really are delightful people. But I guess folks only want rocket scientists who can make them proud with their intellectual prowess & urban accomplishments.

And so this family is currently making plans to kill their baby before the news is even back. It makes me really wonder what sort of parents these people would be anyway. I mean seriously, what is their motive for even wanting a child if they're so quick to kill their child the minute the tests come back as potentially problematic? What sort of a parent can claim to love their child unconditionally, and then plan his/her death just because the child may have Down syndrome?

Does this mother not realize that no child is perfect? Does she not realize that so very many Down's children are healthy and remarkably wonderful? that developmental programs abound? Does she not realize what a blessing this child would be to her life? so much love that would come to her through this special child... Does she not recognize the gift God is trying to give her? I don't know what to pray for in terms of the outcome of the test results... either way, the child seems screwed.

Truly I'm on the short list of sane people left on the earth.

Come quickly, Lord Jesus!