Discerning Priorities

Went to bed with such frustrated anguish in my heart. People are betrayers by nature--just look what happened to Jesus (and what the world continues to to do). Oh they say they care, but when push comes to shove it's an "all about me" (AAM) world.

But I woke up today with a new commitment. First to God and then to my husband and children. The last couple days of buddy board bullshit has really made me take stock of who it is I'm investing my time on and who it is that really deserves me.

Over the last many many months, I've given the best parts of me to total strangers--some of whom have valued me & cared, while others are merely rubberneckers in the train wreck of my life.

All I know is that I went to bed last night very disturbed that I've sacrificed so much family time on people who don't value the gift (not that my family time has been all that rewarding seeing as how dh falls asleep in a chair in front of the TV before 8:00, and ds is working and living his own life).

It's just become very clear to me that I've turned to cyberpeople to help fill a vastly deep void in my life, and many of those people have become very dear friends who have carried me through the darkest months of my life. But every now & then there's a cyber asshole that makes the whole thing seem pointless. Believe me, it really only takes one bad apple to ruin an entire vat of beautiful fruit.

It pains me that in spite of my horrific woes in baby loss, ill-health, and a life time of various troubles, there's always seems to be a rotten apple that comes along and feels it's their duty to make sure they bite me even harder than I've already been bitten by life. I've grown so weary of the world that's cast away God. I've known more ugliness, meanness and utter ignorance from people on this planet to last several lifetimes, and yet they have the nerve to blaspheme God for the world's troubles. I cling to the Lord and His Word as my Final Frontier of hope for our civilization.

Anyway, my commitment is to do a better job of being discerning of how I spend my time--who am I really seeking to please: some innane asshole on a buddy board? My first Love is God and He needs to always come first. And then my spouse and then my home & family.

The way my health has been my whole life, and then how much it's deteriorated these last couple of years, I figure I'll be lucky if I see sixty. I've been worried that I might not even see the end of the decade. That's fine. I'm ready to leave this horrid place.

But in the meantime, am I making the best use of my time? Will I leave this planet with everything done that God has asked me to do? or will I have frittered away valueable moments on some Internet retard who felt it important to hurt me deeper than I've already been hurt?

My aim is to use my Internet contacts to minister to those who are in need of His cool drink of water. My aim is to minister unto the "least of these" so that when my precious remaining moments are completed on this planet, I will meet my Savior (and my girls), and He will proclaim, "well done, thou good & faithful servant."

But will I have really done a good job according to what HE wanted me to do? There's where I'm committed to putting priorities into place; committed to pulling away from idiots that don't matter.

I believe it's our duty as Believers to know the Heart of God and seek to do His will--it's all found in the Scriptures if only we will take time to look & learn rather than making it up as we go. God really does give us all we need for life & godliness and He tells us time & time again in His Word that we are to shun cultural values, ethics, morals, etc. Some would say, "live & let live"or "don't judge another until you've walked in their shoes" blah blah blah.

But the bottom line is that God does want us to judge evil in the world. He does want us to know & do right from wrong. He really DOESN'T want us to go with the cultural flow. And there really ARE good reasons why God's Law is the RIGHT Law. To be certain, our civilization is suffering the more we reject & abandon the Heart of God. But in some ways that's okay because it takes us one step closer to His Return.

Dearest Lord Jesus, please help me be patient and forgiving as I seek to discern & practice all that you have taught me through Your Word...

Psalm 1:1-2
Blessed is the man that walketh NOT in the counsel of the ungodly, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of the scornful. But his delight is in the Law of the Lord; and in His Law doth he meditate day and night.

Proverbs 1:15-16
My son, walk NOT thou in the way with them; refrain thy foot from their path: For their feet run to evil, and make haste to shed blood.

Proverbs 4:14-15
Enter not into the path of the wicked, and go not in the way of evil men. Avoid it, pass not by it, turn from it, and pass away.

Ezekiel 20:19
I am the Lord your God; walk in MY statutes, and keep MY judgments, and do them.

Titus 2:15
These things speak, and exhort, and rebuke with all authority. Let no man despise thee.

2 Timothy 4:1-4
I charge thee therefore before God, and the Lord Jesus Christ, who shall judge the quick and the dead at His Appearing and His Kingdom; Preach the Word; be prepared in season, out of season; reprove, rebuke , exhort with all longsuffering and doctrine. For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but after their own lusts shall they heap to themselves teachers, having itching ears; And they shall turn away their ears from the truth, and shall be turned unto fables.

1 Timothy 5:20
Them that sin rebuke before all, that others also may fear. KJV

Hebrews 5:11-14
We have much to say about this, but it is hard to explain because you are slow to learn. In fact, though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you the elementary truths of God's word all over again. You need milk, not solid food! Anyone who lives on milk, being still an infant, is not acquainted with the teaching about righteousness. But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil. NIV