A Distinct Difference in Worldview

Troubling scenario. One woman loses her baby to incompetent cervix (IC), specifically a failed cerclage. She's in the middle of her second trimester. She & her physicians do everything they can to save the child’s life. The child doesn’t make it. She grieves deeply.

Another woman chooses to terminate her child mid-second trimester. She & her physician feel it’s for the “best” in light of a poor developmental diagnosis. The possibility is such that the child may have certain disabilities (albeit the child is not dead yet, and could prove quite promising given all the unknowns). Nevertheless, she makes her choice, and then she too claims to grieve deeply.

However, is it really fair or even plausible for the second woman to understand the deep grief the first woman experiences? In reality, isn’t it fair to say that they have entirely different modus operandi - one woman doing all she could for her child no matter what the outcome, and the other woman choosing to end the child’s life early based on the possibility of a poor outcome?

Their experiences are like night & day. Their worldviews are on very different ends of the life spectrum. By virtue of their diverse positions on death, it’s impossible for the second woman to know the grief of the first. Woman A is profoundly grieved after having done all she could do to save the life of her child, and yet Woman B would dare claim to have had the same experience.

Excuse me, but Woman B did not fight for her child’s life. She gave her child’s life up for dead---before it really was. She concluded that there was no hope for her child, so she terminated her child’s life early so as to move on to the next baby---a better baby than the one she carried.

Conversely, Woman A would have taken her potentially brain damaged, developmentally delayed, special needs, NICU preemie baby -just please do all you can so he doesn’t die. How can Woman B possibly know the crushing agony of Woman A as she has the last bastian of hope torn away from her? Woman A desperately hopes her child will cling to life, while Woman B casts all hope aside and calls it quits. She even assists in the child's untimely demise.

To be certain, their worldviews on living & dying are so vastly different. And thus why it's so very disheartening that those in Group B fail to understand just how offending their stance is to many of us in Group A. And thus why my hide is quite chapped when Woman B then runs around a pregnancy loss forum claiming to have experienced a similar loss as Woman A.

Excuse me??? What on earth could Woman B possibly know about what Woman A has been through as she fought for her child’s life??? An induced abortion is NOT the same as a failed cervix, PROM, cord constriction, placenta abruption, or any other unassisted intrauterine demise diagnoses.

I guess Elizabeth Kubler Ross (infamous grieving guru) would say that I have some grieving anger that needs to find expression. And rather than sniper off idiots in traffic, I’m finding good use of my freedom of expression. My words will certainly change no laws that give a woman the "right" to kill her child, but I can certainly express my grieving fury over my own violated rights. Do you know how many "rights" me & my daughters have given up just so the pro-death industry can survive???

All I can say is how dare Woman B lie about how her baby died in order to justify her guilt or buy sympathy from others. How dare she claim her baby was stillborn when in fact her baby had been very much alive up until the point when her dr killed him shortly before his medically induced premature birth.

Sure, Woman B very well could have had a baby that didn’t make it to or through birth. But she sure didn’t wait to find out what her baby was made of, did she? She didn’t love & cherish that baby as long as she could have and should have. And she sure as hell didn’t go to the ends of the earth with injections, bedrest, cervical staples, emergency c-section, or gobs of hospital monitoring in order to SAVE his life, did she?

No. She didn’t believe in her child enough to fight for him. She ruled out any form of hope entirely. She just opted out and now spends her days slithering around a loss support board claiming that her baby was stillborn just like mine. And nothing pisses me off more than those who terminate their trisomy children and then go on to tell the world that their child died of said trisomy. What a crock of crap.

A child who is medically killed in utero or via premature abortive induction did NOT die of trisomy. The child died by a series of horrific medical procedures intended to end the child's life--a life that had, up to that point, proven itself capable of living with his trisomy.

What really sucks is that Woman B will get her rainbow baby just like all the other Women B’s on the pregnancy loss forum have gone on to enjoy theirs.

Angry & bitter?
Fuck yea, I am! And good golly I need to express some of it in raw, honest, eye-opening, thought provoking words. So spare me the lectures & flames about how I sound intolerant & mad and should get some help. Mad. I’ll give you mad.

All around me people are getting away with legalized murder. Such a thing should make a lot more people angry! And yet somehow we’ve become a people who finds acceptance & sympathy. We’ve actually deluded ourselves into believing such murder is a RIGHT. Whatever!

Someone please explain to me how the child molesters are so much more heinous than the baby killers??? Do you realize how much we PAY licensed, certified baby killers in this country?! Does no one but me see the outrageousness in this? Maybe so.

Nevertheless, one can certainly envision the vast sea of people who would have killed my daughter rather than rally her to live. Good golly, how many had written her off as dead before she really was. How many would have flushed her sooner; how many would have denied her those two precious months---and we won’t even talk about those who are instrumental in denying her even more time, or those who had even lesser regard for her sister...

As far as I’m concerned, my children were victims of legalized, certified medical murder, and yet I’m not supposed to be outraged & angry with a cultural institution that’s so vastly over-paid for their so-called services??? Our medical, legal, and cultural ethos have been reduced to the same primordial ooze they insanely think we evolved from. Yes, I'm mad. Tell it to Kubler Ross

All I know is that an episode of Entertainment Tonight or the Nightly News or even a casual stroll through a pregnancy loss forum profoundly illustrates how our entire cultural worldview is worthy of nothing but utter condemnation, and yet we seem to think we’re somehow entitled to blessing upon blessing...

When was the last time we used our so-called “right to chose” to make the choice for blessing the Blesser?
When was the last time we put aside our own bigger-better-deal agenda and sought to be a blessing to our Creator: The Maker Whom we ALL will meet in due time?