Weepy Wednesday

Just read a post from an online friend. She was attempting to encourage another friend to go ahead and vent her all about me (AAB) newborn whining. They both fail to realize how stinking lucky they are to have kids in the first place.

They've never been fortunate enough to hold a dead infant in their arms. They never got to plan a funeral for their child. Oh, and they never got to plan yet another funeral for another child either.

Oh they whine and complain about swollen breasts and sleepless nights. Boo fucking hoo. Engorged breasts never felt so painful as they do when the milk comes in, but there's no baby to nurse from them. They have no idea how horrible those sleepless nights are when there is no baby--when the baby has died.

It's so hard not to wish this on others. Their blissfully clueless snobbery makes me want to scream. Why didn't they get this plan instead of me? What's so special about me that I got to have TWO baby funerals while they got none???

How is it possibly fair that a woman terminates her child's life because it's an inconvenience to her' but when she's finally ready, she spits out two children with relative ease??? How come I didn't terminate any of my pgcies and yet had two out of three of my pgcies grow to infancy only to die??? Why did I get TWO dead; two that died beyond my control, and yet she's rewarded for killing hers?

This world sucks and I don't like it here anymore. My heart is bleeding and I'll never recover from the incredible pain. It hurts worse now than it ever did.

Please Lord, what the hell is happening to me??? Why did You do this to me??? What do You want from me???