Autumnal Heartsongs

I'm so tired today. Well, I'm chronically fatigued everyday, but today has been especially stressful. I'm behind in so much and have so little energy to keep up. I get through the bare necessities and that's it.

We got the shopping and some laundry done, but I feel like the household is caving in on me. I got some of the mail & bills sorted. I'll get the rest of the month's bills paid over the next day or two. Shopping, scanning, filing, sorting, cleaning...I'm loathe to say that I've become very unorganized through this whole grieving ordeal.

On top of my own self-imposed pressures, we got the next door neighbor's eviction notice by mistake. Yep, it's yet another bureaucratic piece of crap I get to fix, that isn't my fault. I'm still working on the auto insurance/loan mix-up that's costing me money as I speak--that still isn't fixed, and the bank has bounced me around the world & back. I'm so frustrated with no one doing their jobs in this world. All they want are their paychecks and their vacation time. It's to the point where I see someone out in the world who looks like they might have an office type job, say at a bank or leasing company. And I think to myself: "I wonder if they're the one who screwed up my file so that I can never get it straightened out again?" Yes, I'm very cynical lately, so don't get me started...

I'm trying to concetrate on being more thankful--an attitude of gratitude will fix many of my problems. And yet I fear that I'm too entrenched in discouragment to find such an endeavor very easy. But I persist and persevere. I will be thankful for all that God has blessed me with. I will.