Goodness Gracious You Were Sweet

I called her my little May Bee. She was due in May; and as anyone who's endured a pregnancy after a full term loss can attest, there are a lot of maybes to get through before the pregnancy is done.

As it turned out, she came two days before May, and "maybe" took on a whole new meaning. She had a hole in her heart that they would not treat. She had a third 18th chromosome and they said that meant they would NOT treat her heart defect; they said it was pointless--infuriating political jargon that I refuse to accept. She was showing them otherwise; her fight was astounding--what was wrong with a little bit of medicine?

I do NOT understand why they didn't even want to try. Why did they brush her aside figuring she was good as dead? Medical ethics based on who's agenda???My gosh, what evil lurks at the foundation of their ideology! She had so much spunk; so much fight; so much vigor, and yet they left her to meet the challenge of life alone: no medicine for her heart, zero cardiac followup.

They called it "comfort care" brushing her off for dead for her to hurry up and die. Why couldn't they look past their textbook "ethics" and look more closely at her as an individual??? Could they not see her will to live? Did they not care about her as a person? Did they not care about how very little they really had to do in order to give that cardiac muscle a fighting chance--some simple cardio-pulminary medication would have made her battle a little easier--it worked wonders--until they took her off!

Why were they so quick to brush her off for dead? Why did they think that brushing her into the rubbish bin was better than helping her? How do they conclude that such a despicable verdict is "comforting?"

Every day throughtout the month of May we hoped & prayed that today would not be the day. Every single day, we prayed that "maybe" God would not take her; not today... And thankfully, all through the month of May God gave us our wish. He did not take my little May Bee in May.

Instead, He took her at the end of June--sixty onederful days following her birth. Her untreated heart defect just couldn't keep fighting. She tried; oh my gosh, how she tried. For the rest of my life I'll be so very proud of her. She accomplished more in her 61 days than any of those doctors will do in a lifetime--and goodness gracious how much more loving she was than the lot of them combined!!!

It's two years later now. I'm in a time warp of grief wanting her back. For this entire month of May I've nursed a profound sting to my heart; a wound left there by a most preciously sweet little May Bee. She did not mean to sting me. Like most bees, she was gentle & docile and oh so very patient. She only did what was forced upon her. I proudly keep her little stinger tucked deeply in my heart. The sting of her departure reminds me of her profound will to live--that she did so much without their help. I miss her sweet flowery pollen to the profound depths of my being...