The Joy of the Lord is My Strength

Discussions on grieving infant death & stillbirth; only the strength of the Lord makes it possible to tell the tale...

Friday, October 13, 2006

Ask, Seek, Knock...Heal Me Lord, please

Thank goodness it's Friday. What a terribly long week it's been, and so many pitfalls to pull myself out of. The Balloon Fiesta wraps up it's events this weekend. The tourist traffic has been intense, so it will be nice to have many of them go home (even though many stick around for the duration of the month since the weather is so perfect, and there's much of New Mexico that draws attention to itself).
I'm battling chronic pain today. I've been warned that the new cholesterol lowering med may exacerbate the pain & malaise--great; like I need that to be worse! But the dr was very concerned about my cholesterol levels and PCOS is known for it's increased problems in cardiovascular disease. Since the completion of my third pregnancy, my body seems to think that I'm in my 50's instead of my 40's. My diabetes has taken a jump for the worse, my cholesterols have been dangerously high, I've gained more weight than I did in my last two pregnancies combined, I've developed hypothyroidism and fibromyalgia that even the doctor took notice of! Plus, it's bronchial asthma season, so I'm short of breath all the time. I'm like a caricature of an old jalopy spewing bolts and oil everywhere. Today I'm especially pained in my joints. The weather is beautiful, but it's chill adds aching to my bones that even a vicoden won't take away. I've already contributed to my daily sob schedule--mornings and evenings have been getting a regular deposit in the tear bank. These days of the season of Abigail really drive home the depth of human failure and loss that's plagued my life. We need something really awesome to happen to us. The fact that semi-tractor trailer hasn't plowed us off the road is probably as good as it's going to get for awhile. We've been grateful that we're not under a pile of rubble in a middle eastern earthquake. We've been thankful that we don't have religious extremists executing us in our front yard. We count our blessings as best as we can in light of the disaster we attempt to overcome in real life. God could put His healing hand upon my body a little more firmly; my prayer petitions remain persistent...

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