I Will Always Love You

I miss her soft fuzzy head upon my lips
The velvet softness of her skin
The precious sound of the coos & squeaks that she spoke to me
Oh my goodness and the sparkle in her eyes
And her stubby, chubby legs

I miss her incredible spunkiness and how hard she tried
I’ve never known anyone more brave or strong or more determined
Or patient & mellow & sweet
It’s amazing how badly she wanted to participate with life;
to be part of her family
Her will to live is what shone so brightly
What a priceless soul
I still can’t grasp how I’ll ever live without her

The cool of the last many mornings remind me vividly of our routine we once had together
The nighttimes when I go to bed I weep because it’s as if it were yesterday
And she should be here too
The memories of her are thick in the warm summer air

The seasons are so noticeable now
Vibrant and expressive
Abstract elements have become more concrete
How it smells and feels and sounds at different times of the year
The lighting of the landscape brings flashbacks here & there
Spring/summer is for AnneAutumn/winter is for Abigail
Seasons capture the fragments of my broken heart

I can’t tell you how badly I wish it could all be different
That makes no sense since in due time it will all fade into an obscure dream anyway
Did it ever even happen? It’s hard to remember
That’s what will become of it all in due time—that’s what becomes of us all
I hate that some parts vanish so quickly
While other aspects linger on forever
Time flies so fast and yet it hasn't budged
Life is a time warp in the most astonishing way

Seasons hold it all together
There really is a Plan
Somehow it’s the way it’s supposed to be
Lucky me
No really; I am truly blessed

Even in the tears--great giant oceans of tears
The story I have, such an incredible story
It seems custom-made to help others through their stories
It would appear He designed it this way on purpose

It's hard not to be furious
What’s so special about me that I got this plan? If I only knew
I kick against God’s plan like a spoiled rotten toddler
And yet if I only knew all He would do...

I want to help others to know life more intensely
To help them make alternate choices
To think about Heaven’s perspective more intently
To see life more preciously
To know love more deeply

Please Lord fill the hole that’s left within my heart
It’s God-sized, ya know!
Only YOU can fill it
Tho so many wonderful people have done a wonderful job in helping
It’s a hole that YOU created the day my girls grew wings and flew to their new Home

I'm counting on YOU
Make me patient as I wait through the Homesickness
Fill the gaping wound with YOU
That I might overflow it to others
To remind them that she is NOT dead
She has simply moved
That we WILL be together again, YOU, me, them
Only time & rainbows keep us apart

Please tell them how much I miss them
But don’t tell them about such sadness or how much I still cry
They don’t need to know that part
Tell them that my tears are great liquid drops of joy
For it’s so wonderful that they exist, that YOU made them just for me
It's so wondeful that they wait for me and help YOU build the Mansions of YOUR Kingdom

Remind them to play nice as sisters, and to do each other’s hair
So much beautiful hair
Tell them lots of stories of their mama
And how much they are deeply loved
Tell them how lovingly their daddy tends to where their bodies rest
And teach them eager patience in waiting Resurrection
Tell them how strongly we’ve come to believe YOUR Promises
And how thankful we are that they wait for us to join them

Yes, I miss the cuddly warmth of her body on my arm
I miss the roundness of her cheek and her sweet & sparkly charm
I miss the servant’s tasks of bath, bottles and diapers
I miss scrubbing out her crusty eye and bugging her with wipers
I miss loving her
I miss her loving me
Please Lord, don’t ever let me get over that